Witty Songs

ŠTed Schaar 2011

17.  "She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft."

Jerry Reed cut Number 17 in 1982.  It was written by Tim J. Dubois, a songwriter with an unusual background: He has a BA and an MA in accounting and was a CPA before he started writing songs.55   Many of his compositions are listed at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_DuBois.  He must have it all--the math thing and the language thing.

Although Reed is best known for his singing and light-hearted attitude, he was also a great guitar player.  Here's a link to a video featuring him doing a duet with Chet Atkins.

Many of Reed's hits were story songs, and he does an excellent job of delivering Dubois' funny lines. The song is sexist and was out-of-date before it was recorded.  Even in the early 80s, there weren't many guys who would marry just to have someone cook for them.   It's a whale of a tale, though.   (Visit YouTube [Reed] for the song).

Lyrics

Listen, guess it was back in ’63
When eatin’ my cookin’ got the better of me
So I asked this little girl I was goin’ with to be my wife
Well, she said she would, so I said “I do”
But I’da said I wouldn’t if I’da just knew
How sayin’ “I do” was gonna screw up all of my life!

Well, the first few years weren’t all that bad
I’ll never forget the good times we had
'Course I’m reminded every month when I send her the child support
And it wasn’t very long till the lust all died
And I’ll admit I wasn’t too surprised
The day I come home and seen my suitcase sittin’ out on the porch

Well, I tried to get in, and she changed the locks!
I seen this note on the mailbox that said
“So long, turkey! My attorney will be in touch!”
Well, I decided right then and there
I'm gonna do what’s right and give her fair share, right?
But I didn’t know it's going to be THAT much!

Well, she got the gold mine! 
I got the shaft
They said they were splittin' it all down the middle
But they give her the biggest half
Well, it all sounds mighty funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the gold mine—I got the sha-a-aft.  I'm telling you

Hey, listen—you ain’t heard nothin’ yet
Why, they give her the color television set
Then they give her the house, the kids, and both of the cars!
Well, next they start talkin’ ‘bout child support
Alimony, and the cost of the court
Didn’t take me long to see how far in the toilet I was!

And I’m tellin’ ya, they made a mistake
It adds up to more than I make!
Everything I got worth havin’, they’ve already took!
While she’s livin’ like a queen on alimony,
I’m workin’ two shifts eatin’ baloney,
Askin’ myself, “Son, why didn’t you just learn how to cook?”

She got the gold mine! 
I got the shaft
They said they’re splittin' it all down the middle
But they gave her the biggest half
Well, it all sounds mighty funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the gold mine
I got the sha-a-aft

Well, she got the gold mine! 
I got the shaft. 
They said they'd split it down the middle
But she got the better half
Well, it all sounds mighty funny
But it hurts too much to laugh
She got the gold mine—I got the sha-a-aft

Easy boys, let me tell 'em about the shaft
I got the shaft all right
Appreciate that judge, thank ya
One good thing about it though folks
I don’t have to worry about carryin’ a billfold n’more
Mama's gonna to have all the money
Hahahahaha
All I need's a few food stamps—you understand what I mean!
A lot sadness in the world
Boys, if you can figure a way to get me out of this
I think I would appreciate it

Much later, Reed appeared on Parton's Dolly56 show and the two did a duet with a new part from the woman's perspective that's a kick.
(It's at YouTube [Parton-Reed]).


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